Ep 311: End the loneliness - how to build the friendships & community you yearn for.

We live in a world where we’re “connected” all the time—through our phones, social media, Zoom, you name it. And yet… so many of us still feel disconnected. Lonely, even. It’s kind of ironic, right? Surrounded by notifications, but still craving real friendships and true community.

And it’s not just teenagers or young adults—it’s all of us. I see it with people in middle school, moms raising kids, empty nesters, even retirees. We all want the same thing: deeper connection.

But here’s what I’ve noticed—most of us secretly hope other people will make the first move. We think:

• “Nobody ever invites me.”

• “When I do go, nobody talks to me.”

• “What if they judge me?”

I get it—I’ve felt all those things too. But here’s the hard truth (and the freeing truth): building friendships and community isn’t someone else’s responsibility. It’s ours.

That realization is both a little scary and incredibly empowering.

Last year, I decided to be intentional about building more friendships. For me, that started with pickleball. My husband and I would go play, but honestly? We were always off on our own court while everyone else paired up in doubles. We were around community, but not actually in it.

One day I thought, “Okay, enough standing on the sidelines.” Even though I was nervous about not being good enough—or not fitting in—we asked to join a game. And that tiny decision changed everything. We started playing with others. We met people from all walks of life. I had to get over the awkwardness of forgetting names (so I started using silly memory tricks). Little by little, strangers became acquaintances, acquaintances became friends, and suddenly—I had a whole community I didn’t even know I was missing.

And here’s the thing—it worked outside of pickleball too. When I joined a Bible study, instead of sitting quietly worrying about myself, I made the effort to learn names. I literally wrote them down in my workbook during introductions. That one small habit helped me feel connected so much faster.

So here’s what I’ve learned: building friendships really comes down to three simple steps.

1. Show up where you want to be—whether that’s a class, a group, a club, or a volunteer spot. But it needs to be something you genuinely enjoy.

2. Smile and start the conversation. Don’t wait for someone else to come over—ask their name, say hello, be warm.

3. Remember names. Write them down, create a mental trick, whatever works for you—but do it. It matters.

That’s it. Show up. Engage. Remember names. Repeat.

When you stop waiting for an invitation and start creating connection yourself, everything shifts. You stop being on the outside looking in. You start building the friendships and the community you’ve been yearning for.

And whether you’re a middle schooler trying to figure out where to sit at lunch or an adult looking for more friends in this stage of life—the formula is the same.

The belonging you want isn’t going to fall in your lap. But it is waiting for you—if you’re willing to take the first step.